This
week, we’re sharing tips for improving your leadership skills through effective
communication techniques. Pulled from an article in RCI’s Kettle Talk
magazine, Joseph Grenny identifies three key communication principles employed
by influential leaders and how to apply those principles to your own skill set.
Joseph Grenny is the co-founder of VitalSmarts,as
well as a four-time New York Times bestselling author, speaker and leading
social scientist for business performance.
I’ve
spent thirty years studying what makes leaders influential. After studying more
than 25,000 people, my colleagues and I found that one versatile skill set
accounts for a great deal of the most effective leaders’ influence: how they
deal with crucial conversations—emotionally and politically risky issues or
disagreements.
Having
seen how central crucial conversations are to bolstering the influence of
leaders, I set out to learn how the 3 to 5 percent who master these moments do
it so well. The reason I was particularly interested in these crucial
conversations was because these influential leaders found a way to be honest
without compromising respect, and to be respectful without compromising candor.
In
my books, Crucial Conversations and Crucial Accountability, I describe key
principles that result in this kind of quality dialogue and increased
influence. Here are some that make the biggest difference:
#1 Learn to Look
Those
who are most effective at crucial conversations are most conscious of their own
behavior. They are aware of their own “Style Under Stress” and catch it quickly
when their approach begins to damage dialogue. Specifically, they watch for
when their own or other’s behavior moves to silence or violence— some form of
withdrawal or attack. When that happens, they stop and mentally refocus on
their real goals. To get back on track, they consider what results they really
care about. When the other person is reacting badly, they make it safe.
#2 Make It Safe
Have
you ever noticed how some conversations—even about very risky subjects—go very
well? And others, perhaps even about trivial disagreements, can degenerate into
combat or retreat? Why is that? We’ve found that the antidote to defensiveness
in crucial conversations is to make it safe. People can listen to tough
feedback so long as they feel safe with the person giving it. How do you create
safety? You help others understand that you care about their interests as much
as you care about your own. When they believe this is true, they open up to
your views. When they don’t, they shut down. Secondly, you must help others
know you respect them. Mutual purpose and mutual respect are the foundation of
safety.
#3 Make It Motivating
The
key to influence is empathy. Before starting a crucial conversation,
influential leaders carefully think about how the problems they want to raise
are affecting, or will affect, the other person. They think about the natural
consequences of the situation to the other person. And they reassure others
that these consequences always exist. For example, if a direct report appears
incompetent, it’s likely their incompetence is as frustrating to them as it is
to others. The problem is that they don’t see how their weaknesses are
connected to their own concerns. However, if in a respectful way you can help
them see how their own interests are served by addressing the problem, they are
naturally motivated to engage in solutions.
Now
let me be clear about my claim. I am not suggesting that if you Learn to Look,
Make It Safe and Make It Motivating, people will naturally give you everything
you want. What I am suggesting is that your influence will increase. Rather
than contributing to problems by “acting out” your concerns, you’ll be talking
them out—which gives you the potential for a solution.
Can
these skills be learned? Absolutely. I’ve spent years developing methods for
teaching and training leaders to increase their influence by improving how they
deal with crucial conversations. And when they do, relationships and results
improve rapidly and remarkably.
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